I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
