I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
