there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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