evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
