My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
