I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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