i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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