Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
