if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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