so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
