I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
