you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
