haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
