Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
