Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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