i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
