Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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