i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My penis needs a shock collar
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
