this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
