I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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