This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
