I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
