also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize