I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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