He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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