The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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