I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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