Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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