Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
