so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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