"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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