i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
