she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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