eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
