He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
