Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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