So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
