Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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