I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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