I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
