NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
