I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
