Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
