well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
