I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
