i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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