Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
