Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
