the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
