The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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