No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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