and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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