Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
