Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
