You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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