I am puke
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
