Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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