That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
