he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
