I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
