i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
