Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
