yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
