So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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