If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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