I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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